My Immortal
by iTomato
Summary: Songfic: Keiko knows that Yusuke is no longer among the living, but she can't bring herself to move on. His very eminence haunts her to no end and the dearly departed Urameshi has a firm grip on her heart.


MysticalDreamer: Wow... I figured out how to upload... anyway... I have no idea where this came from. I was listening to "My Immortal" one day, and thought if I could write something to it... and, well here it is .

**My Immortal**

It had only been a few days. Not even four entire days had passed. It was too soon. This was why Keiko had absolutely no idea how she had managed to pull herself out of bed and get to school.   
  
Only her closest friends had been talking to her. It seemed like no one else bothered too. She was getting a little tired by it. Yesterday had been her first day back at school since the accident, and no one was talking to her. The school was so empty, just like she was. She thought that maybe people were afraid to say anything to her. Most of her classmates had seen her reaction at the wake, and were a little shocked at it. The quiet and reserved Yukimura Keiko exploding at a juvenile delinquent's wake?   
  
She knew what she had done. She couldn't stop it. The silence from her peers was getting on her nerves and she was getting sick of it. She just wanted to get home.  
  
_I'm so tired of being here  
_  
Everyone would chatter away amongst themselves as she walked through the walls. She ignored them, filling up her ears with invisible plugs of sorts, blocking out all sound. She had barely spoken to anyone, even her two best girlfriends. She's reply with a yes, no or an incoherent sound.   
  
She didn't know why. She felt a bit immature for doing so, but something inside just told her to be like that. It was like a melancholic sea surrounded her, keeping the gloom trapped and keeping her words trapped.  
  
It was like if she stopped being like this, it would be wrong. She felt like this was how she was supposed to be.  
  
_Suppressed by all my childish fears_  
  
She remembered the days when she'd yell at him a lot. She'd get so fed up with him skipping class, and most of the time, school altogether. But now he'd never skip school again. It just wouldn't happen.   
  
"Sorry Keiko, I have to go... Please take care."  
  
She nodded noncomment like at her friend as she walked away. She knew he was gone. He wouldn't be coming back. She had to get over it, even if it took her entire life.   
  
_And if you have to leave   
  
I wish that you would just leave_  
  
She walked down the empty halls, her footsteps echoing in every direction. She heard a pipe clatter and jumped, looking in the direction it had come from. She sighed. "Just a noise in the wall, Keiko... Just a pipe..." she told herself.   
  
She looked back at the wall and her eyes wandered to the nearby classroom. It was the detention classroom, where he often spent his days after school - when he showed up. She took the few steps towards it and pulled open the door, looking inside. Her eyes instantly landed on his reserved desk, which had numerous scribbles all over it.   
  
She stepped backwards and slammed the door shut, making the loud bam bounce around the hall. She walked quickly as she got away from the room, wanting to get it out of her mind.   
  
She froze as she passed the stairway that led to the roof. She had climbed it so often, and hoped to climb it even more, everyday... to find him.  
  
_Because your presence still lingers here_  
  
Without thinking she climbed the stairs rapidly, getting faster as she reached the top. She was at a sprint when she flung open the door to the roof and stopped short in its threshold. A light breeze played with her hair and danced with her skirt. It flew up in the air as she left the stairway and walked onto the roof itself. "Pervert..." she found herself whispering as the skirt lightly landed around her knees.  
  
She found her head twisting around as she looked up, her vision blurred by the setting sun. The small elevated part of the roof above the staircase, where he was usually found. Her hand reached into the air and grasped something nonexistent.  
  
_And it won't leave me alone_  
  
She stumbled backward and leaned on the wall, feeling tears escape her iced up eyes. They wouldn't stop, even when she begged them too.   
  
She sank to her knees, her bag completely forgotten on the ground near her feet. She clutched her skirt tightly as more crystalline tears fell from her distant brown eyes. "Why..." she whispered to herself. She gripped her skirt so tightly, she wondered if it would rip. Loose strands of hair fell into her eyes, hiding her blotched face as she cried.   
  
"It... hurts..." she whispered. "Why... aren't you... here...?"  
  
Her skirt was getting soaked through and through as the tears continuously fell. It wrinkled under her tight grasp.   
  
_These wounds won't seem to heal  
  
This pain is just too real_  
  
She forced her eyes to look at the sky, staring into the setting sun. Its rays didn't even make her flinch. This was nothing to her anymore.  
  
Hours upon hours were spent up here on the roof. She could barely remember every last day, there had been so many. She found herself rising on shaky legs and used a hand to lean on the wall for support. She pulled open the door and headed back downstairs. Up here was just too ... too depressing.  
  
She ran through the halls, wanting to escape the school that she had spent two years at with him. Now those years, and all else, seemed like a distant memory that could not be forgotten. She nearly shattered the glass on the main doors as she flung them open in anger, sending them crashing into the walls behind them.  
  
As she left the school grounds at last, she felt her eyes welling up. Everything was a reminder of him. She'd walk this path everyday for years to come, and he would always pop into her mind.  
  
_There's just too much that time cannot erase_  
  
She made her way home through the nearly empty park. She didn't feel like seeing any people, and this close to dark, barely anyone entered the park. Most, in fact, were on their way home already.  
  
Once she entered the playground area, she regretted coming this way. Nearly every day of her childhood was spent in this park, tumbling down the slide, swinging in the breeze, spinning on the merry-go-round. And it was all with him.  
  
She watched as a dark haired boy fell off the swing and skinned his elbow. He instantly burst into tears, which made her freeze up. Her mind went to the past, and she couldn't stop it.  
  
"Yusuke!" her six year old self cried as he fell off the swing when it was even with the bar. He fell to the ground and she ran over to him. She found him hugging his wrist in tears. She grabbed it from him and looked it over.  
  
"Ow!" he shouted. "Keiko, that hurts!" he wailed, pulling his hand back. He sniffed as he clutched it tightly, and she sighed. She pulled out a small handkerchief she always carried and reached up, drying off his wet face.  
  
"Is this the great Urameshi crying?" she asked lightly. He smiled at her, and did his best to stop the waterworks.  
  
_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_  
  
With his wrist in bad shape, they headed back home. "You know," she said softly. "You're gonna have to go get that checked up."  
  
"No!" he shouted, hugging it tightly then wincing in pain. "I ain't goin' to no doctor or anything!"  
  
She sighed. "Unless you want it to hurt forever you have to," she said. She folded her hands behind her back. "You shouldn't be so scared of doctors. They aren't out to get you, so don't say that."  
  
"I'm not goin'! You can't make me!" he shouted angrily, starting to run off. She grabbed his arm and turned him around.  
  
"How about if I go with you?" she asked. "Then it won't be so scary, right? I won't leave you alone there. I promise."  
  
_When you'd scream I'd chase away all of your fears_  
  
He smiled at her. "Okay..." he said, kicking a rock with his shoe. "I guess... it won't be so bad if you come with me. You can chase away all those nasty needle bearing docs for me with your yelling!"  
  
She rolled her eyes. "I do not yell like that," she said, picking up her pace a bit. "You know I only yell at you to straighten you up. Keep up this little bad boy routine, and you'll be in jail before you turn ten!"  
  
"Oh yeah?"  
  
She nodded. "I bet you," she said. "Now, we need to get that wrist checked, or you'll be in pain for a looooong time."  
  
She reached behind her and took his hand in her own, the unhurt one, before taking off at a jog. He tagged along behind her, and she nearly dragged him along so he wouldn't stop his pace.  
  
_I've held your hand through all of these years_  
  
She snapped back into the present as she walked along the same walkway she had taken all those years ago. As her mind slowly got to normal, fuzzy hallucinations of her younger self and him jogged away from her on the path, heading to the hospital.  
  
She reached out to grab them, but they vanished into thin air. Her hand slowly dropped back to her side as a light breeze picked up, dancing with all lose items hanging off her body. A strand of light brown hair landed on her moist lips and stayed attached, until she raised a shaky hand to pull it off.  
  
"Come back..." she whispered. "I ... need you..."  
  
_But you still have all of me_   
  
She left the park, without thinking of anything else. She forced her mind to remain blank of all thoughts. She crashed into someone, but didn't even apologize.   
  
Before she could stop herself, her mind wandered. She waited patiently at a traffic light to cross when those vivid memories popped up yet again.  
  
It was so easy to tell when he was near. There was always a large racket, and people would always be shouting. Once she heard this, she'd turn around and dash in the direction of the booming voices. She'd always be drawn to it, knowing it was him. She just couldn't pull herself away when he was involved.   
  
Everyone always said he was a bad influence. But if she left him alone, he'd just become worse. And it wasn't her choice. Once she was near him, she just flat out didn't want to leave. She was so content deep inside when he was around.  
  
_You used to captivate me by your resonating light_  
  
She crossed the street mindlessly, the recent images floating out of her mind with each second. She walked passed various people in the road, before stepping back up onto the sidewalk. She hoped, with every last thing inside her heart and mind, that his face would just appear in the crowd. He'd give off his trademark smile and yell out about how great this prank was. Then she'd smack him over the head, before the both of them would collapse into laughter.  
  
She was stuck in this little dream world, of a world with her Yusuke in it. Everywhere she looked, she could picture him. He was always doing something foolish, but it always made her laugh nonetheless. She was locked in this never ending vision of him.  
  
And the funny thing was, she wasn't sure if she wanted this world to go away.  
  
_Now I'm bound by the life you left behind_  
  
She had arrived home some time later, but skipped dinner. She just wasn't in the mood to eat. Her parents were getting worried about her. She wandered to her bedroom and dropped her bag on the floor, before collapsing on her bed, uniform and all. She hated going to sleep at night. He always showed up in her dreams. And as the morning drew near, her happy dreams turned to nightmares, as she knew he'd leave again.  
  
She watched her alarm clock as the seconds passed by, one click at a time. She didn't want to sleep. In her dreamworld, where she could be happy with him, was the place she desperately wanted to be. But she knew that it wouldn't last forever, as the buzz of her alarm would shatter the image in an instant, bringing forth the nightmare.  
  
She sometimes felt like she didn't want to dream, because he showed up even there. And this caused her even more heartbreak, as it was a reminder that he was gone. And she hated it.   
  
She rolled over and stared at her ceiling, following invisible lines her mind created to occupy her. It was nearing ten o'clock by now, and the lights outside grew dim and the sound died down to a quiet mumble of night noises.  
  
_Your face it haunts  
  
My once pleasant dreams_  
  
He'd surprise her sometimes at night, by popping his face into her window. She always left the one open for him, in case he ever needed her for something, no matter how much her parents asked her to close it at night. But only one night had she actually gone out the window with him. And what a crazy night.   
  
She almost found herself laughing at the thought of it. They had just started junior high and he was in the mood to celebrate.   
  
"Keiko!" he said, shaking her awake. "Come on, come on!"  
  
She grumbled and rolled her in her bed. "Go away..." she mumbled to him as she covered herself with the blankets. He whipped them off and shook her.  
  
"I gotta show you something! Come on, Keiko!" he said, pulling her to a seated position. "I know it's late, but it's gonna be so great! Come on! Please?"  
  
She glared half daggers at him, before softening her anger. He looked so sweet, with those pleading eyes and twisted frown on his face. She sighed and stood up. "Fine, I'll go... but I have to be home before my parents figure out I'm gone..."  
  
"You bet!" he said, snatching her arm and pulling her towards the window.   
  
She sat up and stared at the window, pushing the memory out of her mind. She willed him to come through it, even though he had never set foot in her room again since that night. It wasn't the only time he had gotten her to do something out of character though. He seemed to have that effect on her.  
  
_Your voice it chased away  
  
All the sanity in me_  
  
A light evening breeze flew in through the window, playing with the light blue curtains. Before it died down, she heard the screech of tires on pavement. As the curtains landed back in their place, her mind conjured up a loud braking noise of a car, followed by a crash. She tensed up and clutched her face, her fingernails digging into her skin.  
  
She felt tears escape her eyes once again as the curtains began to dance again, and she heard nonexistent people shouting in fear and confusion. "Stop it..." she whispered. She fell forward onto her mattress, burying her face in the comforter.   
  
Although she hadn't seen it actually happen, she kept envisioning what went on when he had died. She had cursed at her mind for forcing the images upon her, but nothing she did could stop them. It had happened once in school, during lunch. She had jumped up so quickly and dashed out of the classroom, all of her classmates wondered what was wrong.   
  
"Just go away..." she whispered through tears. She banged a tight fist on her bed angrily as she pulled her head up. Her face burned from the steaming tears, clashing from her fearful eyes.  
  
_These wounds won't seem to heal  
  
This pain is just too real_  
  
She stood up on her bed and closed her eyes, before falling backwards onto her back. She bounced a little before settling. It was the fourth night now. The fourth night without him, where she would wake up to a world without him. It wasn't the same. It would never be the same again. It just couldn't.  
  
Everyone kept telling her that her grief would slowly go away. They said she'd be fine, even if it took a while. But she knew they were wrong. They were all wrong, she had told herself. She would never be okay with this. She would never forgive herself.  
  
No matter how many days, weeks, months or years went by, she would not get over it. This wasn't her life anymore. Her life had Yusuke in it. No matter how many hours went by, she'd be empty without the loudmouth troublemaker in her life.  
  
_There's just too much that time cannot erase_  
  
She wanted more than anything for him to come back. She'd give anything for his return. She trusted him more than any other. They were always there for each other when they needed it. It was like some sort of sixth sense that allowed them to just be there when the other was having some problems.  
  
She'd always comforted him when he was down. She didn't care if she was late to school, or missed dinner, or whatever. She wouldn't leave his side until he was back in high spirits, or at least until he practically forced her to get to her destination.  
  
And he'd always done the same for her, except her wouldn't leave, even when she threatened him. Neither was much of a wishy washy crybaby, and they barely shed any water from their eyes, but when they did, the other would always be there.   
  
_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears_  
  
Neither of them admitted when they were freaked about anything either. If something creeped them out, they'd just play it cool. It was another thing they had in common.  
  
But he knew what she was afraid of, and she knew the same of him. She always did her best when he was driven with fear to get him back to normal. It didn't happen very often though, because being the stubborn fool he was, he never said he was scared of anything. Yet somehow she just always knew and she was always there, even when she didn't intend to be.   
  
No outsider knew why the two of them were together so often. They seemed to hate each other to no end, but that was the complete opposite of reality. A reality that was now gone.  
  
_When you'd scream I'd wash away all of your fears_  
  
They were so close, to the point where it was like they could read the other's mind and know whatever they were thinking. He never admitted their closeness to her though, and she figured he never admitted it to himself either.  
  
She didn't care though. She knew it, and that was all that mattered. She would stay by his side no matter what, even if he annoyed her most of the time.   
  
It was his annoyance that she hated the most, but how could she hate even that? He was the most important person to her, and she would always have taken the bad with the good. She'd stay by his side even if the entire world suddenly went against him. That much she knew. She'd always been by his side.  
  
_I've held your hand through all of these years_  
  
She felt an ice cold tear escape her eye. She could never stand next to him again. It wasn't possible.   
  
In spite of this, she wouldn't let go of him. Yukimura Keiko found herself trapped in his memory, unwilling to gain her freedom. She clutched every last bit of his essence that she possibly could and vowed to hold on forever. Everyone told her to let go, and she shut them out. She blocked out their words and ignored their advice.  
  
Even now, he had his hands wrapped around her heart, and she kept it there.   
  
_But you still have all of me_  
  
She knew he was gone. Everyone did. She replayed the thought over and over in her mind. She had forced herself to stop the tears so many times. She put up a strong front whenever anyone was around her. She pushed herself to go along through the day.  
  
He was dead. It was that simple.   
  
The first day was a living nightmare. When she was told the news, she froze up for an hour at the least. She couldn't believe it. And then she opened her eyes and saw everything, and knew it was the truth. He was no longer in this world.   
  
On the second day she told herself this repeatedly. Every other thought that went through her head was the same. He's gone. He's gone. She needed to accept it, no matter how much agony she was in within her own self.   
  
Each night, she found herself in tears as she slowly established in her mind that he wouldn't be going to school anymore. He wouldn't come to her house anymore. He wouldn't be anywhere anymore.  
  
_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone_  
  
And that was that. He just plain was not here anymore. She found herself choking on her own words as she clutched her chest.  
  
"He's... gone... but..." she heard herself say. "He'll be around... Because I'm always thinking of him... so how can he be gone?"  
  
She sat up and looked around. She must have fallen asleep at some point last night, as the sun was now shining through her window brightly. She nearly glared at it for mocking her in its cheerfulness.   
  
He was alive in her. She could house two souls. Or not.   
  
It didn't matter though, because she was constantly reminded of him in absolutely everything. The feeling of him was all around her, like he was there.   
  
_And though you're still with me_  
  
She felt like he was there, at least. She wanted to believe it. He was truly dead, but not for her. His memory would live on, even if his body wouldn't. Death wasn't the end, right? What was all this talk about the afterlife? Heaven? Hell? There was no way she would never see him again.   
  
Yet now, he wasn't here. She wasn't seeing him. As she pulled on a new uniform for school and headed downstairs, she said nothing. Her parents watched her mournfully as she left without a goodbye and headed down the street, back for school.  
  
He was everywhere to her. He was everything to her. Even if he wasn't with her now, they would be reunited. She just knew it.  
  
But despite of this, she had never felt so lonely in her entire life. A nagging feeling of solitude overwhelmed her all the time.   
  
And so she was back at square one.  
  
_I've been alone all along_  
  
Keiko held her head up high as she walked to school. She plastered a smile on her face, pushing all despair inside of her and keeping it locked up tight.   
  
She was getting better, she was getting over it. That was the image of herself she wanted to put forth. She hated all the sympathy she was getting from everyone. She nearly pulled a Yusuke once and cursed out a classmate. It was those little things that he had managed to do to her.   
  
She was feeling the pain. She'd always feel the pain. No matter how much time went by, she had concluded, she would always have a sense of sorrow inside. She knew this. And she didn't want others to know this, which was why she smiled.  
  
"Keiko!" called her friend, dashing over to her. She put her hand on her shoulder. "I know you hate me asking, but how are you? You seem so much better."  
  
She deepened her fake smile. "I'm okay," she said, lightly removing the hand from her body. "I know reality, and whether I like it or not, I have to accept it."  
  
Her friend sighed. "I respect whatever you choose," she said, with a warm smile. "But I'm here for you, you know that."  
  
Keiko nodded as her friend dashed off to class. She looked up in the sky as a light breeze whirled around the school yard. "He's out there somewhere..." she whispered. "I'll see him again..."  
  
She felt it. All these years together weren't for nothing. Their kind of relationship just didn't go away with death. She'd continue to cure his sadness, she'd continue to soothe his anger which his phobias, she'd be there for him and chase him down. Death wouldn't stop her from being by his side. Yusuke would always have her; not even death do them part.  
  
And knowing this, she took a deep breath and closed her eyes tightly. And when they opened, she was ready to face the world of her other reality. The reality where Yusuke didn't exist anywhere but in her.  
  
She took one step forward, daring this world to take even that away from her. She wouldn't let them. She'd die herself before he was taken from her heart.  
  
_These wounds won't seem to heal  
  
This pain is just too real  
  
There's just too much that time cannot erase_

_  
  
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
  
When you'd scream I'd wash away all of your fears  
  
I've held your hand through all of these years  
  
But you still have all of me_

**END**

MD: that's all... Just click the little button down there to review and let me know what you thought, okay?


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